The beginning of my Spiritual Awakening.

Its really hard to admit this but my spiritual awakening began when I was pregnant with my 2nd baby. When I found out my daughter would be born with a clubfoot, my world was shattered. What would this mean for us, what is that? I had all the questions.

I fell into a deep depression. I struggled with the entire pregnancy, to love myself, to love my babies. To love anyone. I remember not feeling excited for the ultrasounds, not being excited really at all. I didn’t set up a nursery for her, I didn't do any of the normal nesting things.

That made me sad. I had so much fear of the unknown. The fear of the unknown ate at me until the day she was born, but then it didn't stop like i thought it would. When she was born she was put into a cast day 3 of her being earth side. Then the anxiety stepped in.

On top of being a hormonal mess, I was feeling judged by the world. What would people think of my baby, it’s s a new born and she has a cast on her leg. I stressed about this all the time. I remember not going anywhere because i hated people staring at me at the store wondering if they think im a bad mom, i just felt judged all the time.

The constant fear and judgement swirled inside of me all the time.

The first year of my babies life was one of the worst of mine. How could such a beautiful time, become so tainted by my own experience. By my own inner thoughts and fears of the outer world. It was and I allowed it to until I realized what was happening to me. This was the beginning of my spiritual awakening and the dark knight of my soul . Spirit had a plan for me and was about to take me on a journey. The journey that I didn't even know my soul was begging me to begin my whole life.

In these next few blog posts I will be discussing a lot about postpartum, depression, marriage, and spirituality. I will unravel my story from the beginning the best I can, and share the deepest pieces of me, and how I healed myself and my family and how it helped me find my souls purpose.

Im excited to share this with you all, and also very nervous because this is me, all of me. Raw, real and uncut. The pieces of me that I have hide away for no one to see. Until now.